Hi. Happy 2000-frickin-5! Wow. One more year and we'll be halfway through the doggone decade already. They weren't bee-essing when they said time flies as you get older, whoever "they" is.
Wrapping up my annual holiday home visit. I enjoyed my break markedly more than last year's, primarliy because it was about a WEEK longer. Yeah. I rested fairly well, ate fairly well, and caught up with fam and friends fairly well. This year, I gave up trying to track down every single human I know, and just get on with the ones who were accessible. I must say, there's a lot less anxiety in doing it that way.
Not news, my family is a trip. Good people, love them to death, but at the ripe age of 27, I'm really beginning to understand why my girlfriend accused me of speaking "too aggressively" to her to the point where she felt upset and like I was belittling and demeaning her--which was SO not true. I've never displayed true anger towards Sa, and was befuddled and annoyed she could accuse me of behaviour I clearly felt I wasn't displaying towards her. I tried to explain to her that "Baby, this is just the way I speak. I'm not actually mad at you." In my defense, I even chalked it up to our cultural differences. But upon winter re-immersion amongst kinfolk, after laying back and soaking in oh-so-many familial dialogues, it hit me: just about everyone in my family has the ability, rather, the inclination to chew each other out, even during the most loving of moments. Non-violent people we are, yet it seems everyone in our clan posesses the rhythmic skills of nagging, debating, contesting and chiding, to varying degrees. And the Smart Alec gene is woven tightly into our DNA, without a shadow of a doubt, and kicks in like clockwork to jocular and/or aggravating effect, situation dependent. I realize now, I also possess these oral behaviour patterns and they've become engrained in me as well. Though a quiet-type of individual, apparently I've acquired the craft of verbal jousting, merely by necessity of survival in my family caucus. And, at least to one Japanese young lady, a craft which seems domineering. Wow, what a revelation.
Hmm. On one hand, being a smart-ass can be quite useful, and debate skills are admirable, but alas, the last thing I want to be is a nag. Argh. I hope I haven't been a nag. Note to self: apologize to Sa just in case.
On a Mis Cleo-esque note, I have a few predictions to make for 2005. Coming into this year, my feelings are pretty neutral, anticipating nothing in particular--which leads me to believe that 2005 will be an interesting, and bigger-than-expected year. I get the sense that this will be a year of life-altering transition, growth, and development. In the same breath, I suspect '05 may also be a bittersweet year on personal, national, and even global levels. It'll be a year of surprises, some good, some bad. I think it'll be one of those years where one individual can experience personal tragedy and personal triumph. Whereas 2004 seemed like a "hold steady, maintain" type of year, I think 2005 will be a year marked by CHANGE. Don't ask me why--I'm not feigning clairvoyance--this is just my gut I'm working with here.
Unfortunately, the new year came in the wake of monumental global disaster with the tsunami deaths of South Asia. Even to learn of the many casualties in Thailand, on the same isle I vacated to just months ago, didn't really hit home for me. I felt so detached, I guess being so far away from it all, safe within the domestic confines of the good l' US of A. Gosh, how American of me. I'm just glad I went there in the summer and not for winter break. Amen.
Contrary to popular belief, all the effects of our lives are not subject to our individual wills alone. By the way, I don't exactly believe that everything that happens is pre-destined to happen exactly as it happens, if you know what I mean. However, I am a firm believer in Karma. What we put out in the world, we WILL get back, please believe it!
Happy '05!
