(The following is based on actual experiences and events.)
RE: What to Do If You Encounter a Black Foreigner at Night (safety tactics for poor, defenseless, sexually irresistible Japanese women In distress)
The following safety tips were compiled for you--a poor, defenseless, Japanese woman, a probable victim, in the unfortunate event you should be found trekking the city streets during the evening hours, and encounter any dark-complexioned male subject of considerable height and build, henceforth referred to as "Black Foreigner."
It should be noted that the Black Foreigner has flown, sailed, and/or swam thousands of miles from his native country with the sole intention of victimizing you: a poor, meek, defenseless Japanese lady. You are undoubtedly sexually irresistible to every Black Foreigner. When on the streets at night, it would be foolhardy to assume that the Black Foreigner is up to any honest activity; in fact, he is constantly plotting ways to victimize you, the Japanese woman. The Black Foreigner is extremely dangerous, especially if he is wearing black articles of clothing, not limited to hats, gloves, shoes, or jackets, which undoubtedly increase his level of dangerous Blackness.
Please do not assume the Black Foreigner walking the streets in the evening hours, is returning home from work or running an errand, like yourself. Do not assume that bookbags, briefcases, nor plastic bags with shop logos have any work-related articles nor food in them. They most likely conceal the remains of his previous Japanese female victim. Therefore, exercise great caution when employing one or several of the following survival tactics:
1. Run! Even though there may be no train or bus station in sight, pretend to be rushing to catch a train or bus, as you sprint past and away from Black Foreigner. While escaping, please beware collisions with other Japanese pedestrians and bikers who are not yet aware of impending threat of Black Foreigner. Do not look back at Black Foreigner. (Note: Studies show that, comparatively, Japanese women are proficient at outrunning Black Foreigners, who are standing still or walking. Moreover, a sprinting Japanese female victim versus a Black Foreigner who's standing still or walking, will escape roughly *99.9% of the time, even in high-heeled shoes, thus making running a virtually failsafe survival tactic.) *(This statistic inverts in case the Black Foreigner is running also.)
2. Ninja Invisibility Technique. Hold your breath while standing still. According to Japanese legend, this ancient technique was employed by ninja rebels during the feudal eras, rendering themselves invisible to the naked eye, allowing them to evade pursuers undetected. To enhance invisibility, please avoid eye contact with Black Foreigner.
3. Cross the street. If close to an intersection, proceed to cross to the opposite side of the street immediately. If Black Foreigner approaches while traffic light is red, use Ninja Invisibility Technique.
4. Fake a phone call. Pretend to call someone/ actually call someone on your cell phone. Speak loudly. Doing this creates the illusion of a phone conversation with an "audible witness" to the potential victimization that is about to transpire, although audible witness can do nothing to assist you in event of actual victimization.
5. Invisible Sneak. If unable to retreat in the opposite direction, try to sneak past Black Foreigner briskly, while employing the Ninja Invisibility Technique, while looking at the ground. Because the probable victim is moving, this tactic will only render one partially invisible, although looking downwards away from Black Foreigner strengthens the invisibility factor. Beware wandering trees, lampposts, street signs, etc.
6. Keep a personal bodyguard. Activate Pokemon character attached to your cell phone. A solid shock from Pikachu can stun your probable assailant long enough for you to make your escape.
7. Create distance. Also, if probable victim is unable to retreat in the opposite direction of travel, maintain your direction while veering your path of travel away from oncoming Black Foreigner at the widest possible arc. Doing this will create distance and a "safety zone" between yourself and your probable assailant. The establishment of one's personal safety zone is critical in Japan's congested urban settings, even if safety zone requires probable victim to dash into the street, near moving traffic, (CAUTION: Dashing into streets of moving traffic increases the risk of being struck by oncoming vehicles; however, presence of oncoming Black Foreigner may pose greater risk of stress anxiety due to worry, panic, and xenophobia.)
8. Follow your instincts. Surprisingly, your most primal instinct may compel you to ask Black Foreigner out to dinner, perhaps even date, then marry him. Some consider this a strategy of reverse psychology to disarm the Black Foreigner's dangerous Blackness, while others disagree. However, this tactic poses great risk of injury from probable victim's parents, particularly Papa.
(These safety tips are sponsored by the Kokugaijin Civil Safety & Crime Prevention Committee (Co-sponsored by Playboy brand loose socks, Louis Vuitton brand mobile phone decals, and Chapstick brand green-tea flavored lip gloss))
Dec 21, 2006
Feb 2, 2006
JAPAN'S JIGGABOO
I've shared a few anecdotes with you regarding race and the Japanese society's take on Black people. I think I may have mentioned to some of you before about the depiction of Black tv personalities in Japan.
There's an American ex-NFL washout named Bob Sapp who came to Japan around the same time I did and became an overnight celebrity by flexing his Hulky 350+ lb. frame, screaming like an animal and making scary faces on Japanese variety programs. Additionally, Bob Sapp couldn't speak Japanese, and thus was relegated mainly to being a living caricature. He adopted the alias 'The Beast,' upon which he entered the ranks of K-1, Japan's mixed-martial arts fighting league, while simultaneously doing a multitude of endorsements, one of which was for a Morinaga brand banana ice cream sandwich with a limited edition wrapper with an image of him shirtless eating a banana. I was so appalled when I saw the ice cream package in the local grocery store, that I bought it just to take back to Chicago to show my folks. Bob Sapp has since passed the peak of his success and though still well-known, is a mildly popular celebrity. But since that time, a new, more disturbing Black caricature has emerged. His name is Bobby Ologun.
In short, Bobby Ologun is a Nigerian who speaks Japanese fluently. I did some background research on him and read that he initially came to Japan to work for his father's import/export trading business. He first achieved tv notoriety by playing a backup stooge to a famous white American tv celeb named Thane Camus (whom I actually met in person last year). Bobby's silly antics and infantile babbling would often prompt scolding and sometimes slaps in the head from Thane. Since 2004, however, Bobby Ologun has taken on a level of celebrity status all his own.
Bobby perfectly fits the commonly accepted Japanese stereotype of a Black male: tall, bald, dark-skinned, and with a large build. Bobby is renown for his foolish antics. He speaks broken Japanese in a slow baritone drone, almost as one who suffers from retardation might, often jumbling and mispronouncing words to the befuddlement/amusement of his hosts. He has been seen making ape-like faces and even bulging the whites of his eyes like the American blackface and jigaboo images of old. Apparently, and to the dismay of many Black foreigners in Japan, Bobby is etching out a living with his buffoonery and playing the centerpiece to the gamut of Japan's national variety and comedy tv shows. And like Bob Sapp, Bobby has also become a prizefighter in the K-1 league.
Below is a link to a very recent tv clip that's currently a hot topic on some expat message boards of a popular variety show featuring Bobby Ologun and Japan's most beloved pop singer, Ayumi Hamasaki.
Bobby Ologun meets Ayumi Hamasaki
The clip is about 12 minutes long. Here, Bobby doesn't display any of the particular "gorilla behavior" he's become known for, though he does a good job playing the fool. Take note of his vocal tone and manner of speech; also, read the English subtitles carefully. He persistently feigns ignorance and intentionally fumbles his Japanese, evoking ridicule from the girl singer and the program hosts. This may be an obvious act to some, however, consider that Bobby is only one of maybe 2-3 Black men found ANYWHERE on Japanese national tv programs, so just ponder the impact this kind of image has on broad Japanese perceptions of Black Africans/Black men in general. Most people have never been exposed to non-Japanese people of any descent, so you can imagine millions of viewers taking their foreign cultural cues from this wayward African. You'd be hard pressed to find a Japanese person with a tv who doesn't know who Bobby Ologun is. To re-emphasize this point, I've even had some of my more mischievous boy students call me "Bobby" in jest--something I didn't take too kindly to. In fact, other Black male teachers I know (of various nationalites) have also experienced being called "Bobby" by some of their respective students at their respective schools. Obviously, I look nothing like this guy, other than being brown-skinned. This occurred merely because kids automatically associated the only Black male person they know in real-life to the one Black male image they see on tv at home--Bobby Ologun. I find this frustrating.
With that being said, I'm grateful I have the present opportunity as an African-American man to make a positive impression on a generation of Japanese kids through teaching English, even if the ones under my influence number in the hundreds as opposed to Bobby's hundreds of thousands. Especially this school year, I feel like I've earned most of my students' respect as a teacher and perhaps their admiration as well. In that regard, I believe I've also earned the respect of most of the teachers I work with, having had made a predominantly positive impression. Working in Japanese public schools has taught me a lot about the power of image, particularly within this society. Knowing what I know now, I could never go out like Bobby.
There's an American ex-NFL washout named Bob Sapp who came to Japan around the same time I did and became an overnight celebrity by flexing his Hulky 350+ lb. frame, screaming like an animal and making scary faces on Japanese variety programs. Additionally, Bob Sapp couldn't speak Japanese, and thus was relegated mainly to being a living caricature. He adopted the alias 'The Beast,' upon which he entered the ranks of K-1, Japan's mixed-martial arts fighting league, while simultaneously doing a multitude of endorsements, one of which was for a Morinaga brand banana ice cream sandwich with a limited edition wrapper with an image of him shirtless eating a banana. I was so appalled when I saw the ice cream package in the local grocery store, that I bought it just to take back to Chicago to show my folks. Bob Sapp has since passed the peak of his success and though still well-known, is a mildly popular celebrity. But since that time, a new, more disturbing Black caricature has emerged. His name is Bobby Ologun.
In short, Bobby Ologun is a Nigerian who speaks Japanese fluently. I did some background research on him and read that he initially came to Japan to work for his father's import/export trading business. He first achieved tv notoriety by playing a backup stooge to a famous white American tv celeb named Thane Camus (whom I actually met in person last year). Bobby's silly antics and infantile babbling would often prompt scolding and sometimes slaps in the head from Thane. Since 2004, however, Bobby Ologun has taken on a level of celebrity status all his own.
Bobby perfectly fits the commonly accepted Japanese stereotype of a Black male: tall, bald, dark-skinned, and with a large build. Bobby is renown for his foolish antics. He speaks broken Japanese in a slow baritone drone, almost as one who suffers from retardation might, often jumbling and mispronouncing words to the befuddlement/amusement of his hosts. He has been seen making ape-like faces and even bulging the whites of his eyes like the American blackface and jigaboo images of old. Apparently, and to the dismay of many Black foreigners in Japan, Bobby is etching out a living with his buffoonery and playing the centerpiece to the gamut of Japan's national variety and comedy tv shows. And like Bob Sapp, Bobby has also become a prizefighter in the K-1 league.
Below is a link to a very recent tv clip that's currently a hot topic on some expat message boards of a popular variety show featuring Bobby Ologun and Japan's most beloved pop singer, Ayumi Hamasaki.
Bobby Ologun meets Ayumi Hamasaki
The clip is about 12 minutes long. Here, Bobby doesn't display any of the particular "gorilla behavior" he's become known for, though he does a good job playing the fool. Take note of his vocal tone and manner of speech; also, read the English subtitles carefully. He persistently feigns ignorance and intentionally fumbles his Japanese, evoking ridicule from the girl singer and the program hosts. This may be an obvious act to some, however, consider that Bobby is only one of maybe 2-3 Black men found ANYWHERE on Japanese national tv programs, so just ponder the impact this kind of image has on broad Japanese perceptions of Black Africans/Black men in general. Most people have never been exposed to non-Japanese people of any descent, so you can imagine millions of viewers taking their foreign cultural cues from this wayward African. You'd be hard pressed to find a Japanese person with a tv who doesn't know who Bobby Ologun is. To re-emphasize this point, I've even had some of my more mischievous boy students call me "Bobby" in jest--something I didn't take too kindly to. In fact, other Black male teachers I know (of various nationalites) have also experienced being called "Bobby" by some of their respective students at their respective schools. Obviously, I look nothing like this guy, other than being brown-skinned. This occurred merely because kids automatically associated the only Black male person they know in real-life to the one Black male image they see on tv at home--Bobby Ologun. I find this frustrating.
With that being said, I'm grateful I have the present opportunity as an African-American man to make a positive impression on a generation of Japanese kids through teaching English, even if the ones under my influence number in the hundreds as opposed to Bobby's hundreds of thousands. Especially this school year, I feel like I've earned most of my students' respect as a teacher and perhaps their admiration as well. In that regard, I believe I've also earned the respect of most of the teachers I work with, having had made a predominantly positive impression. Working in Japanese public schools has taught me a lot about the power of image, particularly within this society. Knowing what I know now, I could never go out like Bobby.
Jan 31, 2006
"SEPTEMBER"
Today at lunch, a 5th grade boy, Noguchi, asked me if I knew of Earth, Wind, and Fire. I was like "Yeah! How do you know about Earth, Wind, and Fire?" I was caught totally off-guard. I mean I've taught kids who barely knew who Michael Jordan was, and here I am eating my rice with fish sprinkles, with 11 year olds quizzing me on their favorite anime, when out of the clear blue one boy asks me about a legendary Soul group from back before I was born even. I was impressed to say the least.
Just to test if he was faking the funk, I asked him what his favorite EW&F song was. He answered, "September." Wow.
Just to test if he was faking the funk, I asked him what his favorite EW&F song was. He answered, "September." Wow.
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